April 24th

Nobody really mentioned this part

I'm a junkie.

Even though I had a drug-free labour, I'm now on about a million different drugs, pills, creams, balms that I either swallow, apply, rub on or insert on a daily, make that hourly basis.  If you look closely, there's an orange bottle behind the iron pill box that I had to take 4 of daily without any other pill.  That was hard. Yah - nobody really mentioned this part.

ALSO - while I'm venting a little here...

Stuff that DIDN'T happen to me during my pregnancy that many said would:

1. OK, my hair didn't grow ridiculous lengths or get incredibly thick. It stayed exactly the same.  Boo.

2. I didn't ever have strangers smiling and touching my belly, in fact most people looked the other way or ignored me when they saw me walking towards them.  "Hi - I'm 9 months pregnant, could I trouble you to hold the door open while I take my groceries outside?  Thanks".

3.  I didn't ever have Braxton Kicks.  Yay.

4.  My belly button never popped out.  Boo.

5. I didn't get any stretch marks, but I got really itchy red bumps that came for a week and left for a week and then would come back and leave again.  All in the exact same spot.  

6.  I only started to crave alcoholic bevies during Christmas when everyone around me obviously enjoyed cocktails, egg nog and various blends of wine.  That sucked.

Stuff that DID happen to me during the pregnancy that nobody really mentioned

1.  I got offered Perrier more times than I can ever count.  I now hate Perrier.  Bubbly water?  Really?  sigh.  BUT, because of this, I will always and forever offer special non-alcoholic beverages to my pregnant girlfriends.  Garnish included.  GARNISH INCLUDED PEOPLE!

2. I had wicked, wicked, EVIL adrenaline shakes throughout my entire labour - all up in my legs.  Totally uncontrollable and worrisome for me.  It was like my legs were having seizures in between contractions and the nurses said; "Yup - totally normal and common".  Hmmm - nobody mentioned that.

3.  I craved orange juice, spicy anything and chocolate like a mother fu*#er. 

4. Sleep was non-existent in the third trimester.  Wide eyed, uncomfortable, anxious - yay, no fun.  Btw, doesn't help when people say "Get your sleep now before the baby comes cause you won't be getting any then"  BTW, I'm getting more sleep now than I was in the last trimester.  

5. I ate a lot of tuna and turkey deli meat and my baby is perfect.  

6. I secretly hated it when people said things like; "LOOK AT YOU!" and "You look like you've expanded", "You're glowing!"  All you ever need to say to a pregnant woman is: "You look amazing".  Period.

This is just the start - I'll be adding more as I think of them.