How I deal with Mommy Guilt

 See this face?  

You might be familiar with it.  It’s the ‘holy crap - what the heck - screw this right now - screw everything right now - I suck at this parenting thing’ face that I, Kate Weiland, manage to feel pretty much on a daily basis.

Moms of all ages, races, socio-economic status and every financial income bracket you could imagine - without a doubt - face the perils of mommy guilt.  I mean it.  For me, it’s every.  Single.  Day.  

Like for example.  I have just put down my sleeping son and my daughter is having quiet reading time in her bedroom.  I open the fridge cause I’m hungry.  I see with have both soda water and an opened bottle of chilled Reisling.  It’s 4:30.  I pour myself a spritzer and sit down to write this post.  Cue slight Mommy guilt.

Or how about this one:

You’re in Superstore and you’re walking down the isle with your toddler (and baby if you’re really brave) and the two year-old sees her favourite cookie.  

‘Mommy, can I have one?’ 

‘No sweetie, we’re going to go home and have lunch in a few minutes’ 

‘Please mommy?’ 

‘No my love - no means no.’ 

‘PLEEEEEEEEEAAAASE????’  (Add a puppy dog glance from superstore lady stranger who is on your toddler’s ‘cookie team’ - especially since she said please)  But no!  You are the mommy and you’re sticking to your guns.  

‘I’m sorry.  The answer is still no Scarlet’.  

Cue tears, cue disapproving glare from superstore lady stranger, cue Mommy guilt.

Then there’s this one.  I left the house with the kids the other day to allow our cleaning lady (who comes twice a month which I also have a sliver of guilt about) access to the space without us getting in the way.  I left prepared.  I had a diaper bag full of toys, books, extra clothes, shoes, baby food, toddler snacks, toddler water bottle and a stroller just in case we popped into the mall.  What did I forget?  Toddler lunch.  Ok.  No problem.  We’ll get a teeny tiny bit of fast food.  I’ll have a salad and my little one can have a kid’s happy meal.  They’re not that bad right?  The apple slices and the yogurt?  I mean come on - that’s basically a protein and a healthy carb right there.  But as soon as I see that deep fried extra crunchy not organic chicken nugget going into her mouth with that sugar sweet and sour sauce - you guessed it.  MOMMY GUILT.

Didn’t get outside for long enough with the kids today - mommy guilt

Went ahead and let Netflix roll into the next episode of ‘Paw Patrol’ - mommy guilt

Neighbour revving his motorcycle during nap times and I still haven’t talked to him yet - mommy guilt

Church when it’s convienent - mommy guilt

Dinner purchased again - mommy guilt

Haven’t set up an educational savings account for second child yet - mommy guilt

Haven’t completed picture baby books - mommy guilt

I ate first - mommy guilt

Spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom - mommy guilt

Did my makeup instead of the laundry - mommy guilt

My hair instead of the dishes - mommy guilt

Took a shower too long - mommy guilt

Said ‘no’ without an explanation - mommy guilt

Said ‘no’ for the millionth time - mommy guilt

Said ‘no’ - mommy guilt

Didn’t register for gymnastics five years ago and now we’re on a waiting list - mommy guilt

The list goes on...

Am I crazy?  

Well - I think the answer is yes, but also no.  Because I guess I have to ask myself why am I feeling guilty?  The answer is because I really do care.  I want things to be perfect for these sweet peas.  I care that they will have the best possible childhood.  I want them to enjoy their life because of me and what I’m doing for them.  I care if they get a full balanced meal and a solid nap (or two) and the best education etc etc etc.  But let’s face it - I’m human, moms are human and we can’t be perfect.  We can’t do it all by ourselves or BE it all or expect our kids to be everything in return, even though they already are.  I always need to remind myself about balance and happiness and letting things go. 

  Really letting it go.  

But it’s a process and one that I’ll be working on for many years to come (I’m sure), but in the mean time, I’m going to go ahead and finish this spritzer without too much nasty guilty baggage because it’s OK and I deserve to enjoy it.  Haha.  

Hope everyone has a lovely week ahead.

Kate 

XO