Just for fun...

Thinking of living on a sailboat for a while?  Here are some tips for the semi high-maintainence chick.

   Just in case any of my beloved semi high-maintenance girlfriends back home get smooth-talked by their husbands into living abroad, I thought I might have a little fun and come up with some crucial tips for staying sane.  These are random but all equally important.  Right before Nate and I left for our adventure, an older gentleman joked; 'It's not going to be all suntanning on the top deck Kate'.  I laughed politely but thought; 'yah right dude.  You have no idea who I am'.  Turns out, he was right.   Therefore; heed the following contents ladies...HEED the contents.

Topic one: Beautification.

1.  Alright, numero uno.  You don't need to bring all of your make-up.  Trust me.  At first, I was wearing it - all of it, daily. Eventually, it just started to melt off of my face so I started wearing less.  This allowed more sun to get through and lightly tan my skin so I needed much less as the trip went on.  Wearing very little make-up is surprisingly freeing and not something I would think that would be exciting, but it is.  

2.  So, number two.  You're going to need to take a deep one here ladies.  The toilets on the boat don't 'flush' , you pump.  Breathe.  Still there?  Good.  Yeah, I know, sick.  So be prepared and expect to pump the handle like 10-15 times for a number one and twice that for a number two.   

3.  You can't use your blow-dryer, curling iron or hair straightener when you are anchored out.  Don't panic.  I found that if I just told myself I was giving my hair a two, sometimes three day deep condition (thanks Cathy) and to think about all of the vitamins and natural oils that my hair was getting, it was more manageable.  Mind over matter here girls.  We're good at that.  Now, IF you've surpassed a week, ask the hubby to take you into a marina to use the electricity.  Crying helps. 

4.  You don't typically shower on your boat.  It's really rare because the shower head is actually the sink tap in the washroom which has no water pressure.  Tasha, I can hear you laughing at me from here.  Also, it's important to remember that water from the boat is used for drinking.  Public washrooms aren't really that bad.  Bring flip-flops.

5.  The sun is addictive, especially if you're from Canandialand.  It's hard not to sprawl out on the top deck all day long and bask in all of it's glory.  Limit your outdoor time to small doses especially if you're blonde or if you don't want premature wrinkles.  Cute fabric headbands, sporty baseball caps (with the right outfit), scarves and wide brimmed old Hollywood hats have all saved my butt.  If you've dyed your hair it will obviously go a few shades lighter so plan for that.  Bombshell beached blonde - a.k.a Bleach - not a great colour to start with. 

Topic two:  Eating Properly and Working Out

6.  Cooking on the boat is fun if you enjoy cooking to begin with; however, it can also be very, very frustrating.  There may only be two burners and a small oven (if you're lucky) in a sailboat.  Microwave? Nope.  Blender?  Nope.  Coffee maker?  Nope.  Espresso Machine? NOPE!  No electricity remember?  The fridge is miniscule and the freezer is about as deep as your Vogue magazine and as wide as your mascara tube.  Good luck storing your ice cubes AND your vodka in there.  Ain't gonna happen.  So, instead find a few good low calorie low fat meals and cook them regularly.  Your hubby will soon get sick of these meals and offer to take you out for dinner.  You won't even have to ask!

7.  If you have an ambitious husband, good pick; but, he may feel the constant desire to 'provide' by trying his hand at fishing.  Let him.  It will give you some time away from one another - seriously girls, a 40' boat is NOT large, and if he catches some fresh fish, it's a tasty FREE dinner with tons of protein.  YUMMAY!

8.  Everything in the Caribbean is like 50% more expensive than it is in the states.  I was shocked to see a single row of RITZ crackers for two Bahamian dollars, (that's two bucks American).  Stock up on everything before you go.  If you love veggies like me, get ready to give your credit card a workout. 

 

9.  Every semi high-maintenance chick knows that you have to really, really want to exercise to do it.  It's the same living on a boat.  Expect for it to be extremely impractical.  This is especially true living abroad since the sun is working against you - it WANTS you to worship it.  Also, you're lucky if you see land for three days in a row.  Walking 4, 590 times around the boat just isn't the same.  Finally, if you actually do get onto an island there may not be any sidewalks to run on.  But as a semi high-maintenance chick, you'll make it work and work with what you've got.  Eventually, I learned that swimming and setting up the bike trainer on the back of the boat were just as effective as 45 minutes at the gym.   

10.  A sundowner is not a want, it's a need.  Stock up before you go, but be picky with what you buy.  There is a really delicious beer in the states called 64 Miller lite.  64 calories + O fat grams = happy wifey; therefore, happy wifey, happy lifey.

Topic three:  Embarrassing moments

11. If you run the boat into the ground, don't panic.  Stay at the helm and then warn the husband.  In my experience, other sailors will see that you were steering and will help get your boat un-stuck by coming to the rescue within a quick three sometimes even two minutes.   One time, there were four separate captains that came out in their dingys all at once!!!  It was like they were racing to help us.  At that point, I wondered why we wasted all that money on boat insurance.  

12.  There is a really big opening under the bed mattress that will give you access to store all of your non-perishable food.  Make sure you close the hatch before you climb back into bed to sleep.  One night, I woke Nate up to complain that it felt like I was sleeping on a steep mountain.  In the morning we checked the hatch and sure enough, it had been open all night long.  The corner of the mattress where my head rests was crammed in the opening.   I knew it was my fault and I admitted the mistake.  Us ladies know that just because we're semi high-maintenance doesn't mean that we believe we're without fault. 

 

13.  By some, the bathroom is called the 'head'.  I don't know why but I find it extremely ridiculous to use that word, so I refuse.  I have no doubt in my mind that some old perverted sailor thought he was funny.  Ah, sorry, nope.  Also, keep in mind, you're allowed to refuse to do things when you're semi high-maintenance; but within reason.

14.  Husband and wifey time is oh so important, but keep in mind sound travels very well on water.  Nuff said.

Topic four: A piece of ship

15. Every night, there are weird and unusual sounds that come from your boat.  Don't try to figure out what the sounds are - that's the hubby's job.  Instead, give them appropriate nicknames.  We had a growling dog, massive rice krispies popping at random, an injured walrus, an air compressor and a sad camel onboard.  How's that for adventure?    

16.  Things get dirty really, really quickly.  If you're a clean freak, you have to let some of this go.  I find that if I start a sentance with 'WE need to think about cleaning today' rather than just doing it myself, it hints to the hubby that you need to help me cause you got me into this in the first place, so you owe me a diamond, or a king sized bed, or a house or something when we get back to Calgary...plus help with the cleaning.

17. You have to do the dishes in a teeny tiny sink with very little water every, single, day, at least twice.  It sucks, but if you think about how clean your gorgeous wedding and engagement rings get it makes it much better.

18.  Since there isn't a washer or dryer on a sailboat, you're going to be forced to go to a laundry mat.  Stay calm.  This is what you NEED: a ton of quarters and yes I mean a ton, a book, a nail file, a diet coke, a gossip mag, some chewing gum, obviously your clothes, your detergent, your dryer sheets and a fresh bag to put all of the clean clothes in.  You'll look much cuter if you have something to do while you're waiting and that way you aren't tempted to 'people watch' which can be easily misconstrued as staring, especially since you're probably in a third world country.  

Topic five:  Shopping.

19.  There isn't any.  However, I've discovered there is way more to life.  This doesn't mean I'm not ever going to the mall again, it just means I've found just as much happiness if not more in something else. 

Topic six:  Making Friends...awww, this topic title is so sweet.

20. The sailing community is an older crowd which in my opinion is really, really cool.  Older people are super smart, they're incredibly nice, they are especially easy to get along with, they know way more than you do, they can teach you from their mistakes and they give you things if you hang out with them.   I'm telling you, if you are both under the age of 30, be prepared to be known as 'the young ones'.  You'll start getting admiring looks from other well-seasoned sailors and everyone will want to help you, take care of you, take you under their wing, feed you, and have you over for happy hour.  This is definitely not a bad thing.  Embrace the love!

21.  Now, having said this, you also have to get used to hearing from other boaters about how babies are concieved on boating trips.  They love to warn you about this fact and then they really bring it home by winking, nudging you with their elbows and laughing for longer than necessary.  However, if you're nice, you'll just smile and nod and act like it's the first time you've ever heard it.

22.  Everyone (except Nathan and I ) have boat cards.  I find them totally goofy because they're basically business cards with computer graphic palm trees and parrots on them, but I guess it's a way for everyone to stay in touch with one another.   We like SKYPE because it's free and easy.  We also only go to ports with free Internet.  Just because I'm semi high-maintenance doesn't mean I'm not practical - right girls?   

Topic seven:  Staying alive in a foreign country and in your marriage.

23. If you're traveling in the states, the Bahamas or in the Caribbean, and you are out alone, you may start to notice that cars are honking regularly.  Forewarning!  The drivers aren't asking you to move over or politely letting you know that they're coming up behind you.  They think you're hot and they want your attention.  Do what you normally do at home when a neanderthal tries to flaunt himself in some lame way.  Completely ignore him.  We don't pander to idiots.  However, one of my personal favorite triumphs was after being honked at, I had a sudden compulsion to stop dead in my tracks, turn to the honking dorks and wave like a five year old kid waves to her mom in the audience at her first school concert.  Both guys looked completely shocked as they drove by and I felt totally empowered.  'Didn't think you were honking at a complete whack-job did you?'   That'll teach em.

24.  Time away from the hubby is important.   I found that about an hour or two a day is really good for the relationship and for bringing back exciting stories to talk about over the rest of the day.  It helps if you own a little dingy.  Ours is called 'Shrimp'.  That way he can go for a ride and leave you to your reading or your private sugared cereal binges.  Opposite ends of the boat work too, but on certain days, it may not be enough.  In this case, swimming laps around the boat is a good option.  Let's face it, as much as we love our significant others, we all need a little alone time.

25.  Hopefully you and your man aren't 'fighters' because if you are, everyone will be able to hear your tiff.  Definitely not attractive.  Nate and I thankfully don't fight, we disagree and because I have pride about what others might hear, I would call our disagreements: Controlled Pantomime Discussion.  Basically, during a verbal disagreement that I'm sensing is about to get louder, I'll begin the Controlled Pantomime Discussion with a facial expression that reads; OK, OK, WE NEED TO FIGURE THIS OUT SILENTLY!!!  This gesture is the cue which obviously means don't talk out loud anymore, the others can hear us.  My facial expression will occasionally be returned by Nate with verbal words, or a blank confused look to which I'll respond with another face and possibly some upper body movements that read; HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE?!?!  MIME DANG IT!!!  Which he then responds with a knowing facial expression; OH, OK, OK, and the movements begin!  These exciting mute conversations are sometimes assisted by various props around the boat and possibly huffing, puffing or rolling eyes, which actually help - it's sort of like charades, but there are major extras!  Personally, I think it's brilliant cause we impressively solve the issue without actually saying a word, all while maintaining our dignity and not disrupting the peace our neighbours!!!!  Chapman would be so very proud.  Sixth love language?  I think so.

Finally, a word about being semi high-maintenence.  This is NOT something to be ashamed of.  If fact, it's something to be proud of.  I believe that us girls have ever right to reasonably ask for what we want.  Essentially, all we want is to be happy!  Initially on this trip, I thought that I was loosing a bit of myself and the girly girl side by seccumbing to the oddities of boat and travel life.  But really, I didn't.  I'm still the same girl with the same wants and desires, but I would say that I've gained something else.  I really believe that I've attained a true appreciation for all that I had at home and also an understanding of what many others around me have lived without, and happily lived without!  I didn't believe that I could live happily without my make-up or a t.v or a gym membership or Lululemon.  I completely took advantage of so many things and didn't realize how lucky I was to have them, and now I'm realizing how lucky I am to have lived without them!  The semi high-maintenance girl can be happier with less.  It's fun and challenging to work with what you've got, and to always try to find the silver lining.  In the end I'm lovin' it and everything that I've learned I'm going to keep close.  Semi high-maintenence girl survives AND thrives and is growing all the time.